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I sat across the table from JD on the verge of tears. Three straight days of reviewing my photo portfolio had left me drained. I'd been compiling photos for my new website and I was dumbstruck with how awful I felt. It's as if my shortcomings as a photographer were splayed out before my eyes and I struggled to make sense of it.
I had viewed thousands of images and instead of feeling reassured of my photographic ability, I doubted it. You felt the same way the last time you compiled images for your website, JD said as he forked another portion of dinner into his moving mouth. I pushed my plate away and then cried.
The only thing missing was flashing red lights because, people, I was in FULL BREAKDOWN MODE.
JD then asked me for a favor: can you please write down how you're feeling now so the next time you review your portfolio, I can remind you that, yes, we've gone through this before. Okay, so, fine.
I feel inextricably broken. On the inside. A place so deep I wonder how I've been able to submerge the feelings of inadequacy for so long. As a creative, I struggle to do my best but what happens when I feel like it's not enough? I worry every mean thing people have said about my work is true. I want to get better--want my work to reflect who I am--but I wonder how I get there...does one ever get there? Is artistic satisfaction an elusive idea or something attainable?
The next day, I came across the following quote on the Internet... |
| I was reminded to take a deep breath and know it's part of a process...a long, arduous, sometimes heart-wrenching process, but a journey I'm slowly making. |
    
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Explaining What Makes You, YOU
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L et's be honest, as small business owners, we've most likely been faced with prospective clients who love what you do, but think you charge too much. In fact, this was the case for me last week when a prospective bride asked for my Collections...and later responded that studio X and studio Y offered to shoot her wedding for less.
I responded to her email and said I actually really liked both studios, really liked the lead photographers, and wished her all the best.
The prospective client emailed again and asked if I might explain the differences between my style of photography and the other studios' style of photography (something I was more than happy to do). Here's my response...
Studio X and Studio Y have very similar styles. While we all aim to document the wedding day, I'd say our biggest differences are two things:
1. Style
I lean more towards editorial photography. This means I document the day the way it might be layed out in a magazine or a featured spread. I shoot crisp images in complimentary light and angle photos for the most editorial appeal. X and Y lean more toward documentary photography. They capture the day as it unfolds and prefer wider angle photos, which traditionally are described as story-telling lenses.
2. Post Processing
I prefer clean, light, and airy photos with minimal processing. I do use Photoshop, but I prefer photos to have a timeless appeal, and I've discovered that photos with a less-is-more aesthetic stand the test of time and have a classic appeal to them.
I hope this helps clear things up for you and if you have any other questions, feel free to let me know! :) |
A few days later, I received an email from the prospective client. I was surprised to read she opted to book my services and she planned to reallocate her wedding budget to accommodate her photography wishes.
While I'm incredibly thankful and blown away, I also believe that taking the time to explain what it is we do as photographers goes a long way. We shouldn't be afraid to put words to our work and embrace who we are...and perhaps what we're not. Sure there are days when I see other photographers who use Photoshop so beautifully or others who flawlessly capture a wedding photojournalistically and I envy what they do. Yes, I said envy.
But I've come to a point in my career where I know who I am. I know what I shoot, and if, after explaining my vision to others, they want to see their lives documented through my lens, I'm honored. I believe we're all capable of the same thing. |
L ast week I had the pleasure to traveling to Malaysia to speak at a photo conference. To say the people were kind, thoughtful, considerate and downright lovely would be an understatement of epic proportions. Beyond all else, I learned to see photography in a new way and I'm incredibly thankful.
More photos from our adventures will be posted soon, but here's a sneak peek of what's in store... |
| Flying back to California makes me nervous because jet lag hits me pretty hard. It makes me do crazy things (once I ate an pint of ice cream at 3 a.m. and then followed the meal up with buying the Slap Chop from an infomercial) and say even crazier things (JD, I know it's 4:30 in the morning, but wanna join me for a run?!). Speaking of crazy things, when I get back home I want to start a liquid cleanse diet...milkshakes count, right? |
W e were at dinner with a wide array of food in front of us. Most of it was unfamiliar, but I dug in with confidence. Minutes later, the waiter dropped by with a full description of the Malaysian fare on the tips of our forks. And this is the chicken meatball, he said pointing to the plate I had taken a bite from.
You mean these noodles, I ask.
Yes, this is a famous meatball, he replies.
It's flat and looks just like noodles...
But it's not noodles, it's meatball.
He probably muttered crazy American under his breath, but I was too stunned pay attention.
And just like THAT, 20 years of vegetarianism is sullied due to a chicken meatball that looked like noodles. Don't ask me how, but it just did. Either that or I really am a crazy American who can't tell the difference.
Here are a few things on the web I found to help cheer me up in this week's installment of Friday Randomness...
GOSLINGS!!! |
| There are the kind of cards I send... |
| I think they're making fun of us... |
| Be prepared for an overload of cuteness... |
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Catalyst Leadership Conference + Getting Unstuck
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I thought it was ironic. Of course I'd be ask to speak on a topic I wasn't entirely comfortable with...isn't that how life works? I had the privilege of speaking at the Catalyst Leadership Conference this week and while it was an honor in it and of itself, the opportunity was made sweeter to present alongside Bianca, my twin sister and anti-human trafficking champion for A21.
The premise of our presentation was dealing with how to get unstuck in communication (Bianca) and from a creative perspective (me). As I was preparing for my presentation, I felt like I was talking to myself. I wrestled with questions and put forth what I, truly, believe helped me move past moments of artistic impotency.
For sake of brevity, I won't go into all the details, but I was reminded of what I need to do to get creative...even when I feel like I can't create. Yes, there are desperate moments when I feel my camera and I are playing for different teams, or we speak different languages. Days when I sit in front of my computer and lack the words needed to convey my thoughts. Nights spent staring at the ceiling knowing I can't form my dreams, even if they're resting just below the surface of my mind.
Moving past moments of creative conundrums--working through being stuck--is best addressed by:
1. Writing down your goals.
2. Setting a due date to make it happen.
3. Practicing your craft.
4. Asking for help.
5. Doing the work.
Sure, there are tons of other elements we can dilute the creative process with, but boiled down to the necessities, these five steps aren't just attainable, they give us the permission to believe in our dreams. |
Just before the presentation, I had the pleasure of being interviewed for Backstage West by Carlos Whittaker...who later confessed he read my blog because HIS MOM MADE HIM DO IT.
Dear Mrs. Whittaker...thanks for having great taste. Love you, boo.
I've never given a presentation with Bianca, so it was a cool experience and something I'll cherish...she introduced me to the organizers of Catalyst and it was an honor to collaborate with such a great group of people. |
| The night before our presentation, I invited my sister over for a practice run of our presentation. We argued, laughed, belittled each other, swore we weren't related, yet somehow found a way to make it all come together in the end. I guess our mom was right...no matter how much you wanna punch your sister in the face, there's nothing a hug can't fix. |
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