Kisses + Disses : Forest Fear

So here's the thing with nature: it doesn't like me. In fact, I walk through forests and the trees peel away, like I'm center of a banana. If there's a one in a million chance something could happen as a fluke accident in nature, odds are it's definitely happening to me.

Here are a few examples…
-JD and I traveled to a small island off the coast of Nicaragua. I was bit by a sand flea on my ring finger, causing it to swell and cut the circulation on my finger. It turned blue. My ring had to be sawed off and I endured one of the most painful afternoons. Ever. Because of a SAND FLEA.
-I sat in the back seat as my dad drove through Yosemite and he had to pull over because I became insanely car sick. He forced me to drink apple juice (why, dad, why?!), which caused me to be even more sick on the side of the road. To this day I can't look at sequoia trees or apple juice the same way. But, really, who gets car sick in Yosemite?!
-While swimming, I was stung by a jellyfish. There were literally thousands of people in the ocean (doing more adventurous things!) and I was the lucky victim. JD claimed I wanted it to happen because I hoped for attention from Australian lifeguards on the Gold Coast…I cannot confirm or deny this accusation.

(This is a recent photo JD snapped of me walking through the forest at my sister's wedding after changing my shoes…because I was convinced snakes might have been around.)

For these (and many other) reasons, I shy away from nature. I thought we'd called a truce, but recently I was swimming in a pool (not exactly nature-ish, but anything outdoors can be dangerous terrain) and I was stung by a bee. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF GETTING STUNG IN THE WATER? Well, it happened. The little sucker stung my middle finger, causing it to swell to three times its normal size. I couldn't even hold a fork the day after because my fingers were too big to close. So, Nature, you win. I give up. This leads me to an installment of Kisses and Disses…

This week's DISSES go to…
*Nature. For obvious reasons.
*90 Day Fiance on TLC. I'm embarrassingly obsessed with this show. It's awful. I watch and then get that same feeling after staring at a car crash too long.
*Coffee. Drank my first cup in over a year and I lifted a car, ran 17 miles, and cleaned my bathroom with a toothbrush.

This week's KISSES go to…
*New Girl on FOX. This has been one of my favorite shows for a while, and it just gets funnier. I want Zooey Daschanel to be my best friend in real life.
*Cinnamon Brooms. Some people hate them, but these tacky things make my home smell like Santa's holiday work room.
*Gluten Free Pumpkin Pie from Trader Joe's. And just like that, the pilgrims smiled down on me.

Happy Tuesday!