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T hat evening in Denver, I sat in the bus and wondered if I'd hurt her feelings. She stood at the mic in front of 150 of photographers and trembled as she asked her question. But that was just it: Julie didn't have a question...so I didn't have an answer. Julie said she was scared and so filled with anxiety she wasn't sure she could confidently photograph a wedding. And there in an downtown art gallery, I blurted what came to my mind: Get over it.
That's it.
Julie made time in her schedule, paid for admission for theFIX, courageously approached the mic and I told her three small words I worried would break her. That evening in Denver, I sat in the bus and wondered if I'd hurt her feelings. A few months later, I'm proud to share Julie's progress (as she posted on my Facebook page.) |
For those of you like Julie...like me...like anyone who struggles with the anxiety of feeling like you're enough...Get over it. We work hard for our dreams and often the person who stands in the way of making them a reality is no one by yourself.
Stay Fabulous,
j* |
    
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When Cottage Cheese Made Me Feel Alive
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W hen the nurses wheeled me from the emergency room and admitted me to the hospital I insisted they had the wrong girl. I have food poisoning, I said. I ATE BAD COTTAGE CHEESE, I practically yelled as the elevator doors closed. In spite of my protestations, it was the 4th of July and I'd be spending the night in the hospital.
JD arrived to room 403 with sparkling water, the first season of Parenthood, and his usual smile. I stared at the ceiling and cried. It had less to do with the fact that I was admitted and more to do with priorities. My priorities. They, much like the fireworks somewhere in the distance, felt splayed across the night sky. I turned to JD and promised to change...everything was changing. I'm going to take long walks, I said. Oh! And drink pina coladas! With no sugar...and virgin...because I'm BEING HEALTHY! And I'll dance in the rain. And I won't complain any more! And I won't buy any more neon pants like I promised!
It was one of the longest nights together. Every time I wavered, he was my solid and though I hope to never repeat that night again, I'm blown away to have someone as incredible as him by my side.
When I was released, JD asked if I still wanted to continue with the engagement session I had planned to shoot. In light of everything we'd been through, I turned to him and said yes. Actually, it was hell yes but seeing how my mother thinks hell is a swear word, I promised her I wouldn't blog about it. Oops. |
| I photographed the engagement session because every inch of my soul wanted to be nowhere but behind my camera. A place I feel excited, challenged, fulfilled, and--mostly--alive. |
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My Life, in iPhone Photos
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E very hotel was booked. We were on three waiting lists for a hotel room when we decided we needed to change our plan. We scoured Craigslist for a house to rent and booked it just before we departed to Eugene, Oregon for the Olympic Trials. When we arrived, we stared at each other in disbelief...it was as if we walked into a 1962 time capsule. Orange shag rug, a large photo of Marilyn Monroe hung on the wall, and a ceramic owl perched over the fireplace. While I was reading A Sailor's Manifesto that hung in the green bathroom, Melanie brought out a record player and we swayed to Frank Sinatra as we tried to air out the house.
Three days later, we sat on the orange shag rug with glasses of champagne. We toasted to hard work, dedication, glitter headbands, no more Paleo diets, wearing the cutest outfit on the track, and to life. Tears were shed. On Sunday, Brianna jumped wonderfully (her jump would have qualified her for the past two Olympic Trials), but all of the top three long jumpers jumped their personal best. Not one, all three.
It was hard to watch my best friend face the most disappointing moment of her career, but there was beauty in her grace. I've watched her give her life to something she believed in...and hold her head high even when things didn't work out the way she'd hoped. Brianna showed me life is about picking up the pieces, duct-taping them the best you can, and limping on because there's another chapter waiting to be written. |
| Before we headed to the track on Sunday, we started the day with Mexican food... |
| Just outside the track, a festival was constructed and we spent a lovely afternoon wandering in the warm sun... |
| A girl can dream, right?! |
| The problem with having a twin sister is that she thinks it's still cool to photo bomb a picture... |
| I know this isn't the best photo, but this was Bri's longest jump of the day and we're incredibly proud of it... |
| I wished there was a Kiss Cam at Hayward Field, but seeing Brianna on the big screen was second best ;) |
| When I look at this picture, I see how much Bri is hurting...she masked it well, but if you know her, it's laying just below the surface... |
| ...but it's also nice to know we can make her truly smile at a moment's notice. |
| Here's to picking up the pieces, duct tape, and starting a new chapter... |
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Good Reads : The Submission
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I usually judge the worth of a book if I cry at the end. It's stupid, really, but I'm being honest. After I finished The Book Thief, I sobbed. For hours. It was THAT good. In fact, that book caused JD to create a category system for my Book Cries and as I sniffled my way through dinner, my cry fest was a solid category five. Mass emotional destruction.
The books I've read lately haven't caused me to cry, but they're still solid and in case you're looking for a few Good Reads, check them out... |
The Submission by Amy Waldman
This story chronicles the behind the scenes frustration, drama, and heart-ache in choosing the 9/11 Memorial in New York City. One of the things I loved best about the book is that it made me question underlying prejudices Americans may harbor and what's "right" when taking politics, culture, and emotion into consideration. The story is about what's right and fair...and all the blurry lines in between. A very good read.
We Have Always Live in the Castle by Shirley Jackson
This novella was written so, so well. The subject matter could be slightly dark (the protagonist's sister was tried for murdering her entire family), but the story itself highlights the after-effects of ostracizing a family and the ramifications of community bullying. Two young women are left to care for their handicapped uncle in a house on the outside of town, and their lives change when the community is forced to deal with their prejudice. I enjoyed it more for the way the story was written than the story itself, but it was an easy and pleasant read nevertheless.
The Cove by Ron Rash
Apparently Rash is widely known for his book, Serena, but seeing how I never read it, I was simply reading The Cove for the sake of reading the book. The story itself was straight-forward, I was drawn into the characters' lives, and I was hooked through the entire read, but at the end, I don't think it'll be a book that sticks with me. It was pleasant and I made my way through, but that the end of the day, it's simple a love story gone awry, largely based on being community outcasts.
WHOA, I just noticed a pattern in the books I read this month...prejudice and outcasts. I need to go read some books filled with explosions of glitter.
Destiny of the Republic by Candice Millard
I'm primarily a lover of fiction, but when this book was recommended by way, I took and chance...and enjoyed it! This book chronicled the life of President James Garfield and the role Alexander Graham Bell played in his assasination. Didn't know he played a role? Me either! Bell played a role in the President's attempted recovery and not in the murder, but the layers to this story are insane. That's what made this book so good. The way Millard weaves history into a compelling story is art in it and of itself, but her ability to personalize each story within the story is what makes her a genius in my mind. If history is your thing, you won't be let down with this book.
Happy Monday! |
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