The Results

When I hung up the phone, I wondered if I returned to my pessimist roots. I spoke with my sister this morning and we speculated our mother’s biopsy results. She sighed more than necessary and told me I worried too much. It’s nothing, I promise, she said. She’s the Half Full Twin, and, well, I guess I’m the Half Empty Counterpart.

The results came back today and my mother’s bloodcount was abnormal. Doctors say she needn’t worry, but she’s scheduled to see a surgeon to discuss the severity of her case. I don’t know where this leaves us besides in a constant state of faith and hope. And a little fear.

My sister sobbed into the telephone this afternoon and—just the same way as when we were young—I took the Half Full role. It’s nothing,I said, I promise. She went on to explain that she wasn’t fearful of cancer, persay, but wondered when all of this—the never-receding shadow of cancer—would disappear. It was tough seeing our mother so ill. And the memories still sting.

I have to admit, however, that I’m feeling okay. Yes, I cried today, but also prayed a whole lot. And it helped. It helps. I suppose I wouldn’t be person I aspire to be if I was only happy in happy times. When I can feel joy in the darkness, peace in turmoil, and serenity in a storm, I’m that much closer to God. And for this, I’m grateful.

The good news is that I had a good laugh when I picked up Polo from the groomer a couple hours ago. His haircut was so atrocious I didn’t recognize him! I stood in the lobby and laughed as he jumped all around me, looking more like a goat than a Maltese. It felt good to laugh and lessened the sting.

I bought Polo a coat in attempts to make him look less silly, but I think I missed the mark! 😉