12.17.10 Personal

I Love You. With My Voice.

W
hen mom texted me yesterday and informed me you were admitted for minor surgery, my heart lurched in my chest. The doctors unexpectedly admitted you at your appointment. Just that morning I texted to ask your year of birth. I filled my passport application and I needed that information, Dad. Did I tell you I love you? I checked my phone. Yes, I did. But I should have called. I should have said I Love You with my voice.

Mom tells me something about the C4 and C5 vertebrae and that's where the doctors are working. I should have said I Love You with my voice.

I called you last night and you recounted the breeze that opened your hospital gown just before anesthesia was administered. We laughed. I offered to pick up Zoe from choir practice, but you knew I was simply looking for an excuse to go home. To sit next to you at the kitchen counter. I bring you home a burrito with an extra side of salsa, just the way you like. You complain about messiness of the kitchen--blaming mom--but we both know your strewn coffee cup is just as guilty as hers. We laugh. I make tea. We talk. I rub your bald head like a crystal ball just before I leave and I secretly hope your smarts rub off on me.

Dad, I went home last night to say I Love You. With my voice.
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Brittany Weaver - Earlier on this evening I hopped on the web to see if I could find some answers to a photo question and came across your blog for the first time. I am simply in love with it and everything you share. I find myself clicking "next page" each time I get to the bottom. You have a gift with words and with camera. This post made me cry, in a good way. Simply heartfelt. I hope your dad is well. I am so happy I stumbled on your blog. Happy New Year!   01.06.11 - 9:02pm
Deb Fletcher - My Dad is also in hospital following an operation and will be there over Christmas. How right you are that we need to voice 'I love you' & not just assume that they know. You are an inspiration in more than just photography and for that I thank you x  12.24.10 - 1:56pm
m - Wow! Simply wonderful and powerful. Thank you for this post Jasmine.  12.22.10 - 7:30pm
Corkie Maus - I was looking for a recipe and somehow saw the Jamine Star Photography, clicked on it, looked at some pictures and ended up on this blog. I believe this was divine guidance. What a beautiful piece! I have no idea who you are, or where you live, but "I Love You, With My Voice" reached out to me. You see, I work with people with severe handicaps. The organization I work for, develops software and equipment to people who cannot speak, who have no voice, some who cannot move at all, or some with very minimal movement. Your blog touched my heart! We take our voice for granted, much like we do walking, swatting a fly away or using the restroom. These simple every day things we do without thinking. My husband died recently. He had an especially aggressive form of MS. He lived with it for 37yrs. The 10yrs or so, his voice was a faint whisper. Often, he had no voice at all. But he never stopped telling me that he loved me. Sometimes, I would tell him that he didn't need to tell me all the time. I knew he loved me. But it didn't stop him. He said he wanted them to be the last words that crossed his lips. I was not at home when he died, but I have no doubt, that "I Love You" were is last words. I heard them in my heart. He would have loved to have had a voice to say it, and I would have loved to hear it...strong and clear! I'm glad you used your voice to say "I Love You." Keep using it and keep telling those who are special and loved, that they are loved. Use your voice, and once in a while, think about those who cannot. You cannot hear me, but I am using my voice, to say THANK YOU for making my day. I hope dad is well. God bless you and your family. Merry CHRISTmas. Corkie Maus, Fort Smith AR  12.21.10 - 6:58pm
Naomi Chokr - I pray that you, your father and the rest of your family are doing well. What an beautiful post about your father.   12.21.10 - 1:48pm
Liz - Thanks Jasmine! I love reading your posts!   12.21.10 - 1:28pm
Agi - Beautiful post, Jas. We should all say I Love You more often, before it"s too late. And hug too. x  12.20.10 - 8:50pm
Katie Schoepflin - Hugs. :) My mom was in the hospital unexpectedly this last week and finally was able to come home last night. Its just so scary when things like that happen. Thank you for your words and reminding us what is truly important during this holiday season.   12.20.10 - 8:18pm
Dee Lane - Very moving and powerful prose. It almost reads like poetry. Thank you for sharing this.  12.20.10 - 2:34pm
kevin - the ever happyness in this moment is every where at this moment  12.20.10 - 6:00am
Jorge - This is beautiful Jasmine! Great!  12.20.10 - 12:49am
Evonne & Darren - Awww... I know I should have grabbed my Kleenex box before reading your blog everyday! Hope all goes well with your dad!  12.19.10 - 10:13pm
cassandra-m - Prayers for your Dad...hope all is well. Xoxoxoxooxoxo...  12.19.10 - 7:22pm
Kimberly Stone - Thank you for sharing Jasmine!   12.19.10 - 5:14pm
Irish Wedding Photographer - Hope all is ok with your Dad! Happy Christmas  12.19.10 - 9:54am
Denise Prichett - I lost my first Grandmother at 12 and it pained me for years that I never told her that I loved her. I tell my parents and brothers that I love them at the end of every call or visit. Jasmine, thank you for your WORDS as well as your beautiful images.  12.19.10 - 6:31am
Cathy Crawley - Two weeks ago I drove 5 hours to drop my kids off at my parents house so I could attend a wedding. The next day I picked the kids up, even though Dad was grumpy because we were interrupting his movie and making too much noise I took the time to say 'I love you' when I kissed him goodbye. Five days later he died unexpectidly and this week I had to deliver his eulogy. I can count on my hands how many times he told me he loved me, but I'm glad I always told him how much he meant to me. Life is just too short.   12.18.10 - 8:32pm
Patrick Farrington - Jasmine, why is it that your posts so often make me cry? Not in a bad way of course, they are just so full of love. Feliz Navidad to you, your dad and all of your family.  12.18.10 - 8:09pm
Katelyn James - I love your dad... never met him, but he seems pretty cool... and he has an amazing smile:) Hope everything went ok.   12.18.10 - 7:55pm
Ker - My nan was in and out of the hospital for 10 years. The doctors always said it would be her last night, but she always pulled through. Last January she was admitted again. I told myself she would come home in a day or two so I didn't go to visit. After all, she was always home again. I was wrong.  12.18.10 - 7:45pm
Lynda - I had that thought so many times before my Dad passed away. What if something happened and I didn't say 'I love you.' I started telling him every time we talked, and when he did pass I knew, he knew. I'm glad you got the chance to tell him again. :) You are so open and honest on your blog, and I love you for it. It doesn't hurt that your photos are ah-mazing either. Merry Christmas!  12.18.10 - 5:57pm
Temecula Wedding Photographer - Beautiful writing and a touching reminder of what's really important in life. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to your family.  12.18.10 - 8:05am
denise karis - a million x's and o's to you, jas  12.18.10 - 6:45am
Sandra Finner - Our lives gets busy but we expect that those we love will always be there with us. Sorry to hear you had such a scare.   12.18.10 - 5:08am
Rudi - Just wanted to wish you all the best.  12.17.10 - 11:16pm
monica martin - thanks for reminding us all that's imprtant to say it "with your voice"  12.17.10 - 9:34pm
Rae Threnoworth - Crying... thanks for this reminder. I was in the same situation with my Dad last year.. I came home from a workshop to find my Mum on the front lawn waiting for me telling me Dad had been taken to hospital with a heart attack... all you can do is think of all the times you should've been there, should've said I love you, should have listened while he was talking instead of focusing on the computer screen.. Thank you Jasmine xxx And Dad if you read this.. I LOVE U! ;)  12.17.10 - 9:20pm
Karen Taggart - You right so openly & beautifully. Thank you! I'm crying my eyes out reading this and thinking of my dad who I lost 2 years ago. We were very close and I miss him so much, especially now that we're expecting a child. Thanks for reminding us to always tell our loved ones how much they mean to us. And give your dad a big hug from me! ;)   12.17.10 - 9:15pm
Michelle Hebert - That is BEAUTIFUL! Praying for your daddy!  12.17.10 - 7:59pm
Chantel - I love how you love. Thanks for inspiring me to love deeper today. Muah!  12.17.10 - 7:04pm
Judy - I love how you love your dad.   12.17.10 - 2:35pm
sarah javaheri - crying with my voice!!!! Love your words. Can picture everything. Such a gift. Love your love .  12.17.10 - 2:29pm
Susan Jennings - Beautiful! My dad is my rock, thanks for the reminder that saying "I Love You" is way better than any text or email.   12.17.10 - 2:16pm
Amanda - you have a girl cryin' at work! I'm a daddy's girl too and I had to read this in sections. Neck surgery isn't fun! I hope recovery is smooth for him! <3  12.17.10 - 2:00pm
Victoria O'Connor - I love how fearless you are with your words Jasmine!! I always thought I was the only one crazy enough to say that kind of stuff and then I found you. You make me proud girl!!  12.17.10 - 1:59pm
Cameron Leung - Beautifully written Jasmine. Wishing you and your family all the best.   12.17.10 - 1:54pm
Jessica Chavez - Oh Jasmine you made my eyes watery with this post! You reminded me the times I didn't say I love you to my dad, even though I said it often. I'm glad your Dad is okay! And never forget to say I love you to him or anyone you care about! xoxo  12.17.10 - 1:40pm
amanda thiessen - beautiful. i hope everything goes well with your dad - i'm sure it will :)  12.17.10 - 12:31pm
Celia - I LOVE your writing... and love for your family! Merry Christmas.   12.17.10 - 12:08pm
Life with Kaishon - Crying. I am glad he is ok. Dad's are the best, aren't they? Will pray for his recovery.  12.17.10 - 12:02pm
kristen holly - Oh Jasmine, I didn't need these tears today! Love to you and your dad!  12.17.10 - 11:58am
Bobbie Brown - I love this. And am glad to hear our Daddy is okay.   12.17.10 - 11:53am
Samuel A. Smith II - Jasmine, he knows that you love him . Saying I love you with your voice is not the only way to say I love you. Everyone that you come in contact with knows that you love them because of the way that you say it in so many ways. I follow you and your work constantly and I feel the love that comes from you. Don't ever get down on yourself again. You are definitely a unique, lovely and loving person. Your parents should be proud of the way they raised their kids to be so open and loving. Take care Baby Girl.. You are an inspiration to me. A definite spark in my life. :)-  12.17.10 - 11:21am
Lydia - I'm so glad your dad is alright!  12.17.10 - 11:19am
Jaclyn - Thank you for sharing. I lost my father 2 years ago and sometimes I wish I had one more chat but then I realize that our last chat was the best one I had with my dad and I smile. Thank you again for sharing this and I truly hope your dad will fight through whatever it is and your family has a wonderful Christmas.  12.17.10 - 11:12am
Marta V - Ok I am sobing now. My sister has brain cancer, she was admitted to the hospital a few days ago and things are not going well. After a phone call with the Dr. my mom was out on an early flight this morning and I am probable shortly behind her. It's killing me. Your post is pretty much exactly how I am feeling. I wish you and your family well and I am sending a little prayer for your Dad and your whole family.   12.17.10 - 11:11am
Robyn - I just cried. I'm just so excited to fly home to Chicago from Boston for the holidays and see my family in person to tell them I love them. Thanks J.   12.17.10 - 10:31am
Abigail Todd - My dad and I are like this. It makes the whole family jealous. The bond we have, that thing inside of us that is unique amongst everyone else in the family is so special that it makes my life complete. I had an experience like this, and I literally was not ok until I spoke to my dad... just as in every sticky situation - Daddy makes everything ok. So ditto to your feelings and to saying I love you with your voice to those we love.  12.17.10 - 10:28am
Bee - Gosh, could of given a girl a warning. I wasn't expecting that to be so emotional. Everybody needs their pops. Sending you all love. X  12.17.10 - 10:19am
Catherine - Thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. Hang in there.  12.17.10 - 10:05am
Mandy - Jasmine, Thank you so much for this beautiful post. I hope that your dad heals quickly, and yes don't ever forget to say I love you with your voice. You never know when you aren't going to get that chance anymore. I would give anything to tell my dad I love him with my voice, he has been gone a little over three years and it's still so hard to accept that I can't. Stay strong and thank you for sharing your world with us!   12.17.10 - 10:01am
Romonia Isaac - You are like a breath of fresh air. Your words are truly beautiful and although you did not say "I love you" with your voice, your dad knew that you meant it when you typed it in your text. I hope that your dad is doing good and enjoying life without a gust of wind blowing up his gown. ;-) I will continue to keep him and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing your open letter, your heart and thoughts. Happy Friday J*  12.17.10 - 9:56am
Nicole Haley - And now I'm in tears. Thank you for sharing this, Jasmine. It's a much needed reminder... All the best to your dad and family.   12.17.10 - 9:45am
Tasha Prescott - Jasmine, I've been going through this in my mind. Lost my father suddenly, Dec 2, (just two weeks ago) and all I could do is say "If I had one more day, I would..." Beautiful post.   12.17.10 - 9:24am
Kansas City Wedding Photographers - I am so crying right now. COL!  12.17.10 - 9:23am
Tiffany K - You have such a profound wway with words. Thank you for always sharing and make some of us reliaze that we should live more and think less.  12.17.10 - 9:20am
Dee - you have such a way with words. I'm tearing up here.   12.17.10 - 9:11am
Tanya Jose - may these little & simple things remind us all that sometimes those are the best gifts to give. love to you & your ohana this holiday season J*. mele kalikimaka!!  12.17.10 - 9:07am
Cairith - Thanks J*....thanks alot. bawling. LIKE A NEWBORN BABY.   12.17.10 - 8:42am
Daniela - Oh boy...I SOOO didn't expect to start my day off crying :( I wish I had the chance to say I love you with my voice to my dad before he passed away last month. Time is fleeting and you just never know so it's best to say what's on your mind when you have the chance.  12.17.10 - 8:38am
Tanya - here i am again, sitting at my desk, reading your blog, with little tears in my eyes. i started reading your blog for the photography and i always come away with so much more. sending lots of healing thoughts and prayers your dad's way.   12.17.10 - 8:31am
Norelis - Jasmine, you know you're incredible, right?!  12.17.10 - 8:27am
Andrea Ellison Photography - eeepppp...HELLO !!!...I have tears here <3  12.17.10 - 8:23am
Lace Dagerath - Ohh Jasmine! I hope he gets better QUICKLY!! I was in Cali (San Diego) last yr for a shoot- my dad oddly enough was in (LA)...I got a call on my way out the door to photograph a church service...and my heart hit the floor too..He had a heart attack and was rushed in for emergency surgery! The mere fact that we were both in the same state... was a miracle! He was also in the county north of LA that had the best cardiac unit... I forget how big God is sometimes... but I am faithful your dad will heal and be better than new for Christmas!! See you in January!!  12.17.10 - 8:22am
Cris D. - Praying for your dad. Yes, say it with your voice and say it often. I would love to be able to say that one more time.  12.17.10 - 8:20am
Christina S. - Here come the tears. What a beautiful post.  12.17.10 - 8:15am
Kelsey Anderson - Wishing your Dad a speedy recovery!  12.17.10 - 8:12am
dawn beirnes - I know all about C4 and C5...have a plate and screws right between the two. If your dad has been in alot of pain, it will help! Hope he is better soon.  12.17.10 - 8:06am
Faith Cherisse - Prayers for your Dad and the Familia! xoxo  12.17.10 - 8:02am
Alex - You are just as talented with words as you are with photos. I'm sorry your dad had to have surgery :( I hope he's okay :).   12.17.10 - 8:00am
Wendy Cazares - I'm calling my Dad. I thank you for sharing such a personal story and for reminding me to say it with my voice.  12.17.10 - 7:57am
Summer C. - Cue the tears. Ahh there we go. I hope your dad is ok.  12.17.10 - 7:55am
Anne Marie - I just love reading your thoughts. Thanks for sharing. You are gifted not only as a photography but a writer and a storyteller.  12.17.10 - 7:50am
Katie Kenney - Wow...That was a beautiful recollection of special moments shared. I miss my dad so much. It will be 2 years next Tuesday (12/21), that he's been home with the Lord. I miss him SO much. (I said that already.) No matter how old you are, there will always just be some things that you want to go share with "Daddy". Don't think that void ever goes away completely....but God helps fill the holes.  12.17.10 - 7:49am
ERIKA - thank you - being there to say nothing or do nothing is always best.   12.17.10 - 7:48am
Ann Keen - Oh Jasmine I am so sorry your dad had to have surgery. Any surgery no matter if it is minor or major can be scary. No one ever wants to get that call (or text) that a parent is ill or hurt. I hope his surgery went well. (((HUGS)))  12.17.10 - 7:44am
Heather - You have me in tears here also. Hope your dad recovers quickly and that everything is okay. A wonderful reminder and beautifully written.  12.17.10 - 7:44am
feuza - beautiful Jasmine and I would love to see a post by your dad, video or written in what he thinks has been the key to your success, you are so blessed to have such a great family  12.17.10 - 7:43am
Jennifer Jar - Jasmine, you and your family have a beautiful relationship. Hope your dad gets better soon!  12.17.10 - 7:42am
Cathy - Just one phone call can change everything.This is a powerful reminder to tell those you love that you love them often with your voice ! Jasmine your dad is in my prayers.   12.17.10 - 7:35am
erica - speechless   12.17.10 - 7:34am
Alexia Strawn - Simply beautiful!  12.17.10 - 7:34am
Mindy Aagaard - *tear*hugs*prayers*  12.17.10 - 7:33am
Sherra Gray - Crap. Now I'm crying. Thanks for reminding us that it's nice in a text, but personal communication means so much more.  12.17.10 - 7:31am
nadya - Jasmine, hope your dad is doing ok . I had the same thing happen recently with my own father. He was MIA on his bday and i coudnt find him for a few days and then found out he was in the hospital, and coudlnt call me because they lost his cell phone! it was horriable and all i coudl think was, why didnt i call him more to say i love you @_@ !   12.17.10 - 7:31am
Susan Davis - Wow. Your post made me cry. Life is made beautiful by those we love and who love us. Let us not forget it.  12.17.10 - 7:31am
Gail - Beautiful friend....writing in that second person voice is a style so difficult to pull off and you do it SO well here. Paging Nicole Krauss.... ;) (have you started Great House?) (Jennifer Egan does this wonderfully well in her Visit from the Goon Squad too...add that one to the pile. hehe)   12.17.10 - 7:30am
Ashley - Beautiful post Jasmine. I hope your Dad makes a speedy recovery  12.17.10 - 7:28am
natalie - this is so precious...and now i'm crying...  12.17.10 - 7:28am
kathy pilato - I'm glad you are getting to say "I love you" in your voice to your Poppa. I can only wave upwards now.  12.17.10 - 7:28am
Susan Dukat - tear jerker! touching!  12.17.10 - 7:27am
Rachel - This is beautiful Jasmine. You are so eloquent. :-)  12.17.10 - 7:26am
emma - Im so sorry, hope everything goes perfectly.  12.17.10 - 7:25am
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