Who I Am Today

She scrolled through her phone, found the picture she was looking for, then handed it to me. It asked: Are you the same person you were a year ago? I leaned my head on the back of my chair and said No with my eyes closed. I am so incredibly different than who I was a year ago it's staggering, so different I couldn't even look her in the face.

I moved into a new home, rebranded my business, and–this was where things got ugly–had a cataclysmic jolt in the photo industry. It was the best/worst year of my career. There were so many dark days I didn't think I'd ever come up for air, days when staying in bed was the only thing I wanted to do.

What I was a year ago was…
 Happy
   Naive
   Hopeful
 Short-sighted
     Silly
 Flippant

What I've become is…
 Joyful (joy is inner contentment in spite of circumstances, happiness is dependent on specific events)
    Humbled
  Determined
     Hungry
  Broken
   Aware

There are things that happened in the past year I desperately wish I could take back, erase, from my past. I spent months longing to ctrl+alt+delete circumstances, but what I couldn't see then–that I clearly see now–is that strength and refinement come by way of adversity. That being able to own transgressions, apologizing, and starting fresh is a luxury few will permit to others…but it was important to give grace when I needed it most.

There's beauty in healing and hope in the crevices. For today, it's what I hold onto.