Three Questions About Me

A dear friend emailed me with a few questions and I thought they were incredibly thought-provoking. And not in a deep, metaphysical way, but simply made me take a step back and think through my answers. I responded to her email and I happened to stumble across it again yesterday. I'm sharing my responses on my blog so I don't forget who I am, in this moment.

Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel?
Yes, of course. Being a creative is a rewarding and painstaking adventure. There are days when you feel like you conquered the world and the next morning you feel worse than the scum under your refrigerator. On such days, you want to throw in the towel, waive a white flag, and stick your head in the sand. Often times I refer to these moments as a Pity Party for One. However, the only way to work out of these slumps is to do more work. Bad work, ugly work, painful work because this is what–precisely–leads you to the stuff that makes you the most proud.

With an endless list of to-dos why do you find it vital to fight for adventure in your life?
When I was 21 years old, my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. She relapsed when I was 25. It was in that moment I realized life was too short. My mother was only 50 years old when doctors told my family to start making funeral arrangements. It was the worst time in my life and most days I walked around begging God for air. It hurt to breathe.
There were so many places she wanted to travel, food to be tasted, sounds of Flamenco dancers in Spain to be heard…and they said it was impossible. In that year, I quit law school, picked up a camera, and swore to live my live away from the confines of safety and, instead, choose adventure. For my mother.
Thankfully, a miracle happened in our lives. Against the odds, my mother recuperated and is still with us today. Her life served as a pivot point for me to realize the gravity of living for each moment.

When was the last time you felt alive?
Last month. My youngest sister, Zoe, turned 20 years old and my family met her in Laguna Beach to celebrate. We packed homemade sandwiches, sliced fruit and boogie boards. We sunned along the Pacific ocean and wiggled our toes in the sand until we felt moisture the deeper we pushed. We sang happy birthday and Zoe blew out a single candle on a cake I made in the microwave (I'm creative, but definitely not in the kitchen!) and she unwrapped a new beach towel I bought her. Surrounded by my family, hearing the crush of the waves, I felt–truly–alive with hope and unabashed love.