Over breakfast with my best friend Brianna, JD animatedly recounted our recent packing experience for a one-night stay in San Diego. He was orchestrating a symphony of emotional suspense and hit the high note saying, ...and then, I asked if Jasmine was going to take her computer and she said No! Brianna let out an audible gasp. The kind of gasp one might hear if I said I made out with Barack Obama. Total disbelief. They went back and forth with their No ways and their But she never leaves without its. I soaked my embarrassment in syrup and rolled my eyes.
There's a reason I left the computer at home. And I have to thank David Wenzel for my decision.
Last week I sat in the stairwell of our home with the phone in my hand and sobbed. JD perched himself on the couch below and let me cry. I had just got off the phone with Amy Wenzel, and she informed me David had brain cancer. And just like that, my world stopped. Because, yes, it was about David and Amy...but it was also about me. Amy held a mirror to my life and it showed I was a hot mess. If priorities were articles of clothing, I'd definitely make the What Not To Wear List.
I cried in the stairwell and I apologized from a distance. Forgive me. I love you. I'm screwing things up. I'm a workaholic. I felt like I was in a 12-step program and, like most rehab groups, admitting I was messed up was the first step. When I started choking on my words and the tears took over, JD climbed up the stairs and sat with me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and squeezed. Much like an orange, the tighter he squeezed, the more tears fell.
I'm making changes in my life to allow me to lead the life I want. I was caught up in moving fast, but I didn't know the direction I was going. With many thanks to David Wenzel, I'm finding my way back to the right path. And it's a path dotted with computerless vacations, long walks, deep breaths, saying no, and dancing in public. Sometimes when I'm unbearably happy, I bust out a dance. It doesn't matter where I am, I just dance like no one is watching.
Hey, JD, the next time you see me dancing in public, I'm dancing for you. I'm dancing because I'm happy. I'm dancing because while I don't know what tomorrow holds, today we have Life. And, dang, it's beautiful.