01.18.10 Slideshows

Kisses and Disses : Jetlag + Floss

etlag. Modern day torment for just about anyone. I'm usually on my a-game when it comes to jetlag. Armed with plenty of water, happy thoughts, and sleep aids, I've usually fallen back into rhythm a day or two. Usually, being the key word. Why. Oh, WHY, was I awake at 3am in the morning memorizing binary codes and craving watermelon juice? My mind was running a million miles a second when--WAIT!--no, no! JD, I whisper desperately in the darkness, I need to scrub the toilets! In a sleepy stupor, JD promises me the toilets can be scrubbed in the morning.


JD makes me take ten deep breaths and I calm down. Then I realize I'm hungry. Really, really hungry. No, starving. In fact, I'm so starving I can't sleep. You see?! This is why I can't sleep. I'm hungry. JD is awake by now and the thought of chips and salsa won't let me relax. The salsa? I'm convinced it'll save my life and cradle me to sleep.

So there we are. Just past 3am eating chips and salsa, our shadows slow-moving blobs from the glow of the television. I decide I really need the Slap Chop and any other product an informercial will fling my way. In protest to his objections, I tell JD, But I'm just two easy installments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling away from ...

In the morning, I wake up and realize I'm tired. And despite the rigorous brushing, my breath is oniony. But I'm happy knowing what while jetlag robbed a few hours of sleep from me, my unscrubbed toilets are waiting...and I've happily added the Slap Chop to my birthday wishlist.

Now for another installment of Kisses and Disses...

This week's DISSES go to..
*Jetlag. Duh.
*Husbands who say no to infomercials.
*Laundry. I wish one of those kids from Jersey Shore would offer to come do a few loads for me. (Gym...Tan...Laundry)

This week's KISSES go to...
*Virgin Australia. JD and I got upgraded on the way from from Sydney for free...we clinked our miniature champagne glasses and toasted Richard Branson for being so awesome. Big, big kiss.
*Frye Boots. JD bought me these boots for Christmas and I didn't take them off for three whole weeks while in New Zealand and Australia. Comfortable, stylish, and fun.
*Waxed dental floss. While traveling I used unwaxed dental floss and it drove me nuts. Being home with minty wax goodness gliding through my big teeth makes feel complete again. *bing!*
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Pye - OK, I used to have an item like the SlapChop which I loved, but seriously, that infomercial guy creeps me out. Also, strangely enough it seems like at the moment he's the Lebron James of infomercials. If you aren't sure what I mean, look at his face! Is he actually selling the SlapChop, or is he politely trying to let me know to keep my children at least 500 feet away at all times? I am not sure... But, I do know one thing, that face does not make me want to have the ability to "chop nuts in one slap."   04.02.10 - 10:58am
Little d - OMG get out of my head! I am amazed by the Slap Chop!!! They have it at CVS for only $20!!! But if I bought it I would have to hide it in the house and only chop in secret, because by husband also says no to all of the amazing items I see on infomercials. AND I've only done laundry once since I got married (that was early October, yo. I own a lot of underwear.).  01.24.10 - 7:46pm
Angie - Craving watermelon juice and being hungry, hungry!! Are you expecting Jasmine?  01.21.10 - 7:26pm
MarthaH - LOVE the Slap Chop! :)  01.21.10 - 2:12pm
Molly Williams - saw the slap chop at Target and for a second considered buying it for you as a suck up gift to give you at the workshop but I didn't want to be that girl that stalks your blog like a freak and then brings you gifts. Plus it didn't come with the graty so I knew all bets were off.   01.21.10 - 12:59am
Lou - lol... Be glad he said no to the Slap Chop. The one that Billy Mays used to sell was MUCH better and actually works. :D  01.19.10 - 7:57pm
Melanie - Yeah for the upgrade, hope you had a good flight home!   01.19.10 - 5:13pm
Megan - If you share this with JD, maybe, just maybe, there is still hope for you to get your very own slap chop!   01.19.10 - 2:11pm
J.P. - O.K., if nobody else is going to mention it, I will. You must check out the Slap Chop remix:  01.19.10 - 12:50pm
Basia - I am Frye addict! The comfort, craftsmanship plus sheer style never fails!  01.19.10 - 9:53am
Marissa Rodriguez - Chips and salsa sound perfect right about now.  01.19.10 - 9:47am
Matt Cheung - As seen on tv stuff is always so tempting to buy...and fun to watch. I heard that consumer reports said the chop shop wasn't that great tho.  01.19.10 - 8:56am
Kyle - Susan and I totally cracked up on the Jersey Shore reference! Thanks for the laugh!  01.19.10 - 8:09am
Jen - Tell JD that the Slap Chop is actually super cool. I had a Pampered Chef chopper once and the SC is so much better. You can get them at Bed Bath and Beyond and it's a better deal because the Graty that comes with the infomercial sucks. I was just blogging about my Slap Chop this morning actually. It makes awesome homemade SALSA for those 3 a.m. cravings :)   01.19.10 - 5:59am
Sandy Finner - Oh! Oh! Chip & Salsa Cravings+Sleepy= Preggers?????  01.19.10 - 5:29am
{15:51} photography - jetlag. yeah, about that...when we flew home from Australia (back to Ottawa, Canada), we ended up sleeping for sixteen hours straight. I kid you not! We didn't even wake up to go pee. Nothing! I felt like a train wreck...a train wreck of the likes that not even cheesecake could fix!!  01.19.10 - 5:24am
Amanda - You are toooo funny! LOL  01.19.10 - 12:23am
Thomas Frank - My fiance just bought the Slap Chop and loves it, well actually I love it because it works really good. Just my 2 cents. Love your blog as always  01.18.10 - 9:54pm
Girl in The White Dress - Haha jetlag certainly sharpens your humor. I'd give jetlag a big KISS! x  01.18.10 - 9:47pm
cassandra m - Glad you guys had a safe trip. many prayers were with you guys. Now...I am expecting an image of those boots in a near future post ;) ;) xoxo.  01.18.10 - 9:01pm
Treva Tribit - Crackin' me up with the Jersey Shore laundry comment...! ha!  01.18.10 - 8:54pm
lucy - I was waiting for you to do your kisses and disses to talk about Heidi Montags surgery..  01.18.10 - 8:29pm
Jadey - What you really want is a Happy Chopper and a Quick Chef 2 with Salad basket from Tupperware. Trust me! Check it out for yourself. Cute boots!!!!!!   01.18.10 - 7:36pm
kerri banyas - GTL baby!   01.18.10 - 4:47pm
Angela Higgins - Yay for your upgrade! Glad you guys are home safe and sound. Must be a horrible flight.  01.18.10 - 4:44pm
Christine P - Free upgrade??! Seriously??! You fly in/out Aus ONCE and you get a free upgrade? Okay I'm totally jealous. :) :) I even ASK for free upgrades every time I fly back to the States (that's once a year, mind you) and it's always a "NO". Maybe I need to glam it up a bit. :) And PS I'm with you on the infomercials - Clinton is exactly the same, totally Mr. Rational. And always right. :)   01.18.10 - 4:14pm
Evonne & Darren Photography - I know the feeling of jetlag and waking up in the middle of the night feeling hungry... and I am jealous that you got some cool boots for Christmas!  01.18.10 - 4:13pm
Inland Empire Wedding Photographer - Me too, I love that dental floss so much I have an extra one in my purse,car and mak-up bag just in case. I hate hate the cheapy stuff :(  01.18.10 - 3:50pm
Marisa - AUGH!!!! so jealous right now. i have frye boot envy. you are one LUUUUCKY girl! (but i think you already knew that) ;)  01.18.10 - 3:38pm
Kathy Chappell - Yaaaaaaay, you and JD made it home safely!!! Thank you so much for keeping up on your blogs, because they are my daily addiction (lol) Thanks for sharing your life experiences and talent with us....xoxoxoxo and welcome home.  01.18.10 - 2:58pm
SNB - Last time I checked there *was* waxed floss in Aus!! Are you planning to post more pics from your time there? Even the jet lag that is inevitable with that LA-Sydney longhaul I'd be on a jet in a heart beat if I could to get home for a stint!! Glad you got to finally meet Aus...  01.18.10 - 2:14pm
LD - Hahahahaha I love that you referenced gym, tanning, laundry. GTL baby! It makes me feel better that you watch that show, because sometimes I feel horrible for getting such enjoyment out of such a train wreck.  01.18.10 - 2:06pm
Tonya Doughty - I have a Slap Chop you can have for free. No, really. My husband, DJ, got me one for Christmas and I got HIM one. The spare is still sitting under the tree (yes, you read that right, tree. still. up.) Just realizing how redneck is the combo of Slap Chop and tree still up. Oh well. New in box, if you want it, just let me know. tonya  01.18.10 - 1:39pm
Sare - That guy off the infomercial looks creepy! Good luck with the jetlag, love your blog and glad you had a good time visiting us down here in Aus!  01.18.10 - 1:11pm
Ames - Yay to waxed floss! You're making every dentist that reads your blog very happy. :)   01.18.10 - 12:37pm
Narrelle - I had to laugh at this, but only because I sleepwalk from time to time, and went through a stage where hubby would find me in the middle of the night scrubbing the toilets. In my sleep. Seriously! And we do have waxed floss over here you know. ;-)  01.18.10 - 12:23pm
s h e r r y - Haha, I love informercials, and often get swayed too easily. And yes for waxed floss!  01.18.10 - 11:57am
Pol - Jetlag IS terrible!  01.18.10 - 11:41am
ohana photographers - GLIDE is the best floss ever.  01.18.10 - 11:34am
Jalys Mabry - I love the Frye Boots!!! I found a pair that I would love to add to my closet! Awesome blog post as always! :-D  01.18.10 - 11:15am
Stacey - I LOVE boots and the waxed dental floss. I think we'd get along really well! :) Simple girls, for sure.  01.18.10 - 11:04am
amanda thiessen - "gym, tan, laundry" hahaha love it! awesome post!  01.18.10 - 10:57am
Leyla - Jetlag is the worst...I have trouble sleeping early as it is... and when you travel it becomes even worse... But it's all good. The best part is knowing that it is temporary! =)  01.18.10 - 10:27am
Dionne Haglund - Frye boots are THE best. Bought the hubby his first pair last Christmas and made sure to hell him that they were handmade, the old fashioned way though I'm pretty sure that impressed me more than it did him. :)  01.18.10 - 10:19am
Kayleen T. - Gym....Tan....Laundry..... LMBO!! Fist Pumping like YEAH! haha  01.18.10 - 10:17am
Tiffany - so want a pair of Frye boots!  01.18.10 - 10:17am
Anne Pearson - LOVE your style, Love your blog, Love your candid openness (sp?) and your personality. Your blog is fresh, fun and you seriously work it!  01.18.10 - 10:16am
Jennifer Brotchie - I love this installment! The Slap Chop Guy is also the ShamWow Guy! Hope you get back into a regular sleep schedule soon!!  01.18.10 - 10:12am
Juli L. - I don't know about the Slap Chop, but I have the Pampered Chef one and it's awesome! Love it!  01.18.10 - 10:11am
B - "Beat the beat, beat the beat!" --Jersey Shore  01.18.10 - 9:56am
lisa - I love Frye boots! Which pair do you have??  01.18.10 - 9:17am
Carolyn Egerszegi - Linguini, fettucini, martini, bikini! OMG!! The Slap Chop infomercial is my new favourite obsession. I almost die laughing when he chucks the thing over his shoulder into the sink. Hilarious j*.  01.18.10 - 9:12am
Sara - Staples just had the slap chop on clearence.. for only $1.50!!! (I bought 2) :)  01.18.10 - 9:06am
Angel Pope - Definitely pass on the slap chop for the Pampered Chef version. I've had it and used it for years. I actually bought it from one of those fundraisers that kids have for their soccer teams. Your post and your total honesty makes my day. Sometimes you post things that I've done or thought but never admitted! :-) Thanks, Jasmine. You always brighten my day.  01.18.10 - 8:53am
Kenny Grill - "G.T.L., Baby!" - Jersey Shore  01.18.10 - 8:26am
Stephanie Stewart - Have you seen the Remix Slap Chop commercial? If not, you really need to!!! I always love this installment on your blog!  01.18.10 - 8:16am
e'lisa - ohhhh frye boots! i am going to have to pick myself up a pair. i love your kisses and disses posts! :)  01.18.10 - 8:01am
Kathleen Porter - I think my comment was dispatched into cyberspace the first time: Anyways, Pampered Chef has a chopper similar to this and we LOVE it! Sounds like I am killing someone in the kitchen with all the slapping and banging on the countertop, but it sure is a stress reliever! I have to say though, that fella's catchy saying of "Making America skinny one slap at a time" is pretty funny... :)  01.18.10 - 7:59am
Kathleen Porter - Pampered Chef has a chopper similar to this. We have it and I LOVE it!! Although it sounds like I am killing something in the kitchen with all the slapping and banging on the countertop. I have to say though, that fella's catchy thing of "Making America skinny one slap at a time" is pretty darn catchy...  01.18.10 - 7:57am
Chris c. - Yes, DISS to jet lag. The last I traveled this way took me 1 week to re-adjust. And Yes, KISS to Frye boots. I tried it on in the store and it's one of the most comfortable pair of boots around. Definitely on my wish list this year. Thanks for sharing!  01.18.10 - 7:45am
Dawn Beirnes - That guy from the info-mmercials really, seriously, could be a serial killer! I loved your boots! I noticed them in some of the pics of you guys in Australia. I'm a OCD/clean freak, so thinking of scrubbing toliets at that time of the morning is perfectly normal (in kind of a weird way) for me!   01.18.10 - 7:44am
Ange - Don't get the slap chop. Read reviews on it first. I loved the infomercial as well, but it is a piece of junk.  01.18.10 - 7:40am
Brandon - You can totally get one of those chopping things for like 4 bucks at IKEA. Check it. -Brandon  01.18.10 - 7:28am
jamie delaine - Hahha. Slap Chop. My favourite part is where he says, "You'll Love My Nuts!"  01.18.10 - 7:24am
Wendy Z - I saw your boots in one of your pics. Love them. Are they the Carson Pull-On?  01.18.10 - 7:06am
TH - Everytime I fly home and come back, I go to bed at 8, wake up at 3 a.m. for a week! LOL, good thing that I have all those informercial to entertain me but the trick is not to keep my wallet anywhere near me.  01.18.10 - 6:51am
Crystal - Totally agree with the waxed floss thing! What a difference it makes!  01.18.10 - 6:43am
Cathy Crawley - You should have told me about your minty dental floss obsession, I could have hooked you up. That is awesome about your upgrade! And that dude in the Slap Chop ad is seriously weird looking. I'm just putting it out there ;)  01.18.10 - 6:34am
Jasen - Can't stop laughing at the idea of Snookie coming over and doing laundry. Thanks, I needed that.  01.18.10 - 6:28am