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Kisses+Disses : Yoga + The Herbivore
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A s we made our way there, he turned to me and said, You better not show off and act like a pretzel. Yes, that's JD. He imagines I'll act like an inanimate object just to show how cool I am in yoga class. We've been together for 13 years and I've never--not once--convinced him to attend a class with me. Ever. In fact, he makes fun of my gym-going endeavors. But for some reason, I invited him to find his inner chi with me...because, really, I'm usually the one stealing his chi on a daily basis.
I'll go with you if we can go to In-n-Out after. I smiled. Here's where the story diverges. He said the smile indicated yes, I said the smile indicated you're crazy and I wouldn't dream of eating a burger and fries after a midday workout. After successfully completing an hour workout, JD asked if I was ready for In-n-Out. Then I pointed out a very healthy vegetarian option located nearby and I just knew he'd looooove it. I added all those o's for emphasis. After some convincing (thanks to my days in law school), JD agreed to eat a grilled {soy} chicken sandwich. I'm no longer gonna refer to myself as a vegetarian. After successfully convincing a carnivore to practice yoga and eat healthy in a single day, I'm referring to myself as an HERBIVORE. Because I'm all hard core and stuff. Which leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*The smell of BenGay...my bedroom smells like a high school locker room right now. *The Santa Ana winds. There's so much dust in the air my car looks like a professional off-roader. *Folding a fitted sheet...is it possible for it to end up as anything other than a rolled up ball?! |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Yoga. For enabling me to show off...LIKE A PRETZEL. *Fondue. I wish it were the base of the food pyramid...I could eat melted cheese for days. *Bravo's Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen. And, yes, this proves my horrible taste in television, but I adore Andy and secretly wish we were friends in real life so he'd send me a bedazzled Mazel t-shirt. |
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Kisses+Disses : Melatonin + Tiny Tim
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I watched from the sofa as everyone opened their gifts and smiled. I love Christmas and derive no greater happiness when someone opens a gift I bought her. The gift, as small as it is, is a way for me to express my appreciation and let that person know I read between the lines and got her something special. I just reread that sentence and it makes me sound like a Robbins Brothers commercial...I need to cut it with the cheesiness.
No, but really, gift giving is a big deal to me. And not the gift itself (one of my favorites this year was a $10 gift from my little sister), but the thoughtfulness of it all. At the end of night, my mom asked if I liked everything and I replied, Sure, mama..., but she stopped mid-sentence and ran to my twin sister and started whispering. Apparently, someone forgot to get me a few gifts. Moments later, after rummaging in her room, my mother cornered me in the hallway and apologized, but before I could stop her, my mom handed me an unwrapped bottle of Melatonin (I know you have trouble sleeping at night) and a $25 gift card to Olive Garden. Later that night, I recounted the story to JD and before I knew it, I was crying. I swore to him it wasn't about the gifts, it's just that I feel like my mom didn't think about me this year... I trailed off and JD stomped into my pity party with a machete. Six years ago, he said with as much patience he could muster, we weren't sure your mom was going to be here...alive...with us, so if anyone is being unthoughtful, it's you. He then reminded me it wasn't about the gifts under the tree, but who's around the tree. Right about then I had a Tiny Tim moment (God bless us, every one!) without the crutch, which leads me to an installment of Kisses and Disses. |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*Me. A petulant daughter who couldn't see a real Christmas miracle standing in front of my face. *Left over holiday desserts. Cookies, cake, brownies, rice crispy treats...they're piled in my kitchen beckoning me like sirens at sea. *The gym being overcrowded this time of year. It's those darn desserts, I tell ya! |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Today being New Year's Eve Eve. I feel like popping some bubbly just to ensure I'm ready for tomorrow...it's all about practice, Internet. *Olive Garden gift cards. Went to the OG (that's what us locals call it) for dinner this week...and ordered a dipping sauce to boot! *Basketball being back...I'm a Lakers fan through and through (still miss you, Lamar!)...but tell me those Clippers aren't looking darn good this year! Dang it. Happy Friday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Question Mark or Period
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I ran around the house feeling the weight of everything that had to be done before my deadline. Oh, have I mentioned how much I love deadlines? I make deadlines for deadlines, so don't mess with me and my calendar. As I hurriedly stuffed items into a bag, I conversed with JD while he sat in an adjacent room. I went on and on...and then said, I think I talk too much...
And here's where the story diverges. Here's my version: ...and then said, I think I talk too much, and JD replied, You do. Here's his version: ...and then said, I think I talk too much, and JD replied, You do? Oh yes, Internet, my husband just played the Question Mark Game. The one where a guy insists he ended the sentence with a question mark--not a period--to get out of a sticky situation. By ending it with a question mark, he acted like he was shocked to hear such a thing. YOU? TALK TOO MUCH? NEVER!! It hurt my feelings (to be honest, I think I was having an overly sensitive day...I cried at a Folgers commercial earlier that day), and he apologized. And then he said he didn't mind me talking so much because he was a great LISTENER. Riiiiiight. Now it's time for another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
* Question marks. Obvi. * Project Runway. Is it just me or is this season uber boring? It feels like a burlap dress. * Folger's commercials. Now that the holiday season is upon us, those promos make me all teary-eyed and emo. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
* Sunset. I watched a full sunset yesterday and I was reminded to do it more often. * Sparkling water. It's my most favorite drink and I'm annoyingly addicted to a glass of Perrier. Every.single.night. * Modern Family. This show just makes me laugh...and I can't help but think JD is my own Phil Dumphy. Go ahead, be jealous. Happy Wednesday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Car Accidents + ThinkTank
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Y esterday was a big day for me. For weeks JD and I planned our day and all the details that surrounded the million pieces that comprised it. Until...wait for it...that freakin leak. Yes, leak I mentioned yesterday...the one that was supposed to be fixed on Sunday. But, no, the plumber came yesterday and JD texted me while I was at the gym to park in front of our home since the plumber's truck was in front of our garage.
Okay, fine. JD also tells me I won't be able to take a shower because the water is turned off. Again. As I turn to park in front of our home--just feet from my front door--I get t-boned. Yes, a car slammed into mine and for a few seconds I'm completely lost. You see, I checked my rearview mirror for traffic and I was clear until I waved to my neighbor. And asked how his day was and wished him a great day at work. I was being very Mr. Rogers-ish minus the zip-up sweater. As we waved goodbye, I turned my car and got hit. And my neighbor? Got in his car and drove away. Should I repeat that last part again? HE. DROVE. AWAY. Hey, dude, that's the last time I bid you a g'day. Seriously. I cried, the other driver was shaken up, and JD--who ran out our front door knowing instinctively it was my accident--was already finding the silver lining: It could have been worse...she could have been driving faster...at least you're not paralyzed. Which leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*Leaks. Because, really, they really throw a kink in one's plans. Or LIFE. *Missing my friends. There are moments when I wish I could have them by my side every second of the day. *Car accidents...and neighbors who leave the scene. Need I say more?! |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*SignNow.com. I stumbled across this site and I'm in LOVE. No more printing, signing, and scanning documents...it happens all on the web. Printing is so 2009. *Orowheat Sandwich Thins. These whole wheat confections are part bun, part english muffin, part slice of bread... only 100 calories...and quite delish. I now eat really fancy sandwiches. *ThinkTank. I got a new camera bag and it's perfect because it holds all our gear and fits in an overhead bin for travel. We've used it for three weddings so far and it's pretty darn amazing. ...and a bonus kiss goes to JD for reminding me it could've been worse. Happy Friday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Thai Pizza + TopShop
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S o he got this idea and it sounded nice until he got to the one part where I...hold on, lemme back up. JD suggested visiting his family this weekend and making them lunch. Now, I don't even make myself lunch, so the idea of making food for others is scary. It'll be easy, he said and then planned an Italian meal out loud. When he got to the homemade pizza part, he turned to me and suggested I make a Thai chicken pizza.
Really? We're gonna go there about THAT pizza? The pizza that tasted like peanut butter and ginger?! My friend Amy gave me this great recipe, but when she made it, it was deelish. When I tried a few weeks later, the dogs of Phuket wouldn't have gone near it. So. Now what? Should I make Thai pizza and prove every assumption my mother-in-law has about my cooking? Should I suggest making a cheese platter instead? Should I simply say no and sip on Pellegrino? Should I hide in the living room and watch reruns of Real Housewives? Ugh. This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*My Thai chicken pizza. It doesn't love me back. *Hollywood. I'm grateful to live in a country where I can freely watch movies, but this summer has been less Blockbusters and more Lacklusters. F'real. *Real Housewives. Why is this show so awful? AWFULLY GOOD. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*TopShop. I discovered this store in London and I'm *Massage chairs. Does it make me totally ghetto to sit in massage chairs at Brookstone longer than I should? Yeah, well, I don't care! *United Airport Lounge. We finally became allegiant to a airline and accrued enough points to hang out in the lounge. This sounds way fancy, but really the only difference is we got free nuts and cheese while we waited...I grabbed a few packets to make it worth while! Happy Friday! |
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