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Kisses+Disses : Broken + Toes
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I t's summer time. And it's around this time one might see plastic banners hanging from the outside of a nearby church inviting kids to attend Vacation Bible School. Oh, the days of VBS. While most kids remember songs, play dates, and pin the tail on Baby Jesus' donkey, I remember that one time...
I was the overweight kid who often watched games before participating, often nominating myself as a judge. IN MY MIND. Oh, yeah...I was a cool kid. Anyway, the kids at VBS made up a game where they'd jump and touch an exit sign. I can do that, I muttered to myself. So I did. But instead of falling gracefully to the floor, I somehow jumped backward and landed on Mrs. Grisby's big toe. Breaking it. Mrs. Grisby howled and shoot-darnit-oh my'd the way a good Christian lady would in church and I apologized profusely. Still to day, whenever I see a VBS sign hanging outside of a church, I think of Mrs. Grisby's broken toe. And thank the sweet Lord Almighty for playing a game located by an emergency exit so I could run away. Which leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*People who use words like "East" when giving me directions...makes me feel like I'm guiding a ship to a new land. *Broken toes. *Misspelling. Yesterday I wrote sequence dress instead of sequined dress...ugh. I'm smrat. I prmoise. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Project Runway. Every girl needs little bit of Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum in her life...my tv cup runneth over. *Pedicures. I have an unhealthy obsession with changing my toe color. WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THIS TOE TALK?! *Successfully slamming a revolving door. Sorta. Happy Friday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Boardwalk + Pace Setters
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Y ou can't do that, I huffed as I ran to catch up with him. Then he sprinted again. Frustrated, I caught up to him. I told JD we didn't need a pace setter, we were just running. We weren't training for a marathon or part of a running club...it was just us, running on a dirt path in Orange County. And, no, Jillian Michaels was not going to jump out of a bush any time soon.
This led to an entire discussion about my competitive nature (JD asserted I wasn't able to follow his lead), to which I scoffed...and jogged a few paces ahead of him. After a few strides with me at his side, he turned to me and said, I bet you were the type of kid who toppled the Monopoly game if you didn't own Boardwalk... Internet, I married a man WHO CAN SEE INTO MY PAST. This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's Disses go to...
*The bird poo on my newly washed car. *Every kid who owned Boardwalk before I had the chance to buy it. *My refrigerator breaking down...do you know how much frozen FAKEN (fake bacon) I had to throw away?! |
| This week's Kisses go to...
*Hot yoga. Remember when I said couldn't stand it? I lied. It's amazing and I love it...even if I'm still the only person to crawl out of class, wiping my eyes from the sweat (and tears). *Summer fruits. I'm sure I single-handedly keep California produce farmers in business. *Being a great pace setter (I kid, JD...I kid). Happy Wednesday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Perfectly Zen + Flossing
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I nervously walked into the yoga studio and signed up for my First Class is Free class. A few days earlier JD came home with an information packet and said I needed to try it. Your back will thank you, he said as he unloaded groceries from the trunk.
Deciding to take my yoga practice to the next level (and by 'next' I mean, like, begin), I walked into the new studio and signed up. The girl with the perfectly zen face told me the room reached 105-degrees, so I should drink plenty of water. Wait, whaaaat?! I called JD in a panic and accused him of sending me to the sixth ring of hell, otherwise known as hot yoga. I can't leave, I muttered into my cell phone and admitted my pride was on the line. Perfectly Zen Face handed me a complimentary bottle of water...HOW COULD I LEAVE NOW?! I won't go into details, but what I will say was I felt like it was an aqua aerobics class because I was drowning. In sweat. The Pacific, the Atlantic, and me. Unwilling to reveal I was new to class, I coiled, twisted, and stretched undeterred by the heat (I, apparently, aspired to be the valedictorian of Downward Facing Dog pose), but couldn't walk out of class when we finished. I slumped in a corner, while everyone else walked out with their inner light shining, and hoped my legs would regain their composure. Looking much like a baby giraffe, I tried to quietly sneak out of the studio when PZF called out to me. The studio was offering a complimentary week for new students, she said, and then smiled when she said she'd see me tomorrow. Internet, THIS IS ALL JD'S FAULT. Which leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*My back. For not thanking me like JD said it would. *The cooking class I keep on forgetting to attend. *Missing Scrabble pieces...it's hard breaking world records without the 'Qu' tile. |
| This weeks' KISSES go to:
*Plackers. I'm obsessed with flossing, so this little device makes me so happy I almost dance in dental care excitement. *Solia Hair Dryer. To call this a blow dryer would be an understatement...it's a piece of iconic magic that dries my hair straight in half the time. *Don Draper. He's made a turnaround this season on Mad Men and just when I thought I couldn't like him any more, I do. (In other news, I'm thrilled Peggy gave her notice...and then Don kissed her hand??!?!? Augh. My heart fluttered. Seriously. NOW I NEED DON TO POUR ME A GLASS.) Happy Friday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Gas Tanks + Mad Men
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I f you'd heard me babble in the past, you'd know I'm obsessed with gas. Like, obsessed in a way that prevents me from driving with less than half a tank. So one might imagine my horror when JD drives until the gas light appears. This might not be a big deal if he hadn't run out of gas twice (once while on the freeway and I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES), but his track record freaks me out.
And if you reeeeally know me, you'd know about that one time JD didn't want to get gas before we left to a wedding and that conversation resulted in redefining our roles in the business, but let's save that story for another post because it's Monday and there aren't enough CAP LOCKS and exclamation points I can use to convey my thoughts. Last Friday we visited with our accountant (blech), but planned to spend the afternoon at the beach after the meeting (holllla!). Once we left the beach and made our way home, our car shook, stuttered, and puttered out. At a red light, our car wouldn't start. AND THEN I SAW THE GAS GAUGE. For the third time in our lives, JD ran out of gas. Again. I slid into the driver's seat (like a freaking pro) and JD pushed the car. |
| Once JD got back from the gas station, he turned to me and said I should be thankful because he taught me how to deal with running out of gas. Yup, that's my husband. Finding a silver lining where there isn't one...and teaching me how to drive in neutral.
This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... This week's DISSES go to... *Less than half-full gas tanks. After three run-outs, am I not justified in being precautious?! *Taxes. It's April...how could I not diss Uncle Sam? *Throwing out my back. Yes, again... This week's KISSES go to... *The Hunger Games Movie. Of course, a movie is never as good as the book, but this film came really darn close and Katniss is my new best friend. *Birthday Week. We've been celebrating since last Friday (nothing says aging with grace like pushing a car through Friday traffic!) because this week I'm ringing in another year of my life! *Mad Men. I know, I'm just another person tooting of this show's awesomeness, but let's be real...Don Draper? He could star in a half-baked sitcom and I'd still watch...while dabbing the dribble from my chin. I'm sure he never runs out of gas. Oooooh, I just went THERE. Happy Monday! |
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Kisses+Disses : Pajamas Pants + Lady Gaga
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T he night before JD's birthday, I was slated to speak in Nashville, Tennessee at 6:30pm. At 6:15pm, I realized IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE JD'S BIRTHDAY. I quickly grabbed my camera and begged him for a photoshoot. Two minutes wasted and he finally agreed, but I have no time to change, so he and I ran off the bus wearing our all-day attire. JD always looks put together...and I? Well, I look as put together as a 1,000 piece puzzle in a box, so I decided to not care when people stared at my pajama pants and tank top. I dragged him through Nashville alleys and kicked beer bottles out of the way to capture the last day before his numerals changed.
Now, this really wasn't such an easy task. |
| But at the end of our four-minute photoshoot, I was able to capture one that stole my heart....and then I sprinted back to bus in my PJ's to get dressed for the show and act like I HAVE IT TOGETHER!
Which leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*Pajama Pants. For being so comfortable....I'm tempted to make them my official fashion statement. *Still being sick. I can't kick the cold/flu/Black Lung I got in Las Vegas, so when I cough I sound like 87 year old frog. Who smokes. *Limited wifi. Traveling has proven difficult because as we head to New York City, with a bar on every corner, AT&T can't seem to get my one bar on my wifi. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Nashville. For not thinking I was legitimately crazy in my PJ's yelling, beeeeauuuutiful! The light! The light! Let's chase the light! *Ambien. I'm having a hard time sleeping these days, so I'm thankful to have a sleeping aide by my side, except on mornings when I wake up convinced I'm Lady Gaga. *Polo. We brought him along to travel with us and he's the only reason I'm not homesick....although I'm tempted to buy him a pair of pajama pants too! Happy Friday! |
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